As I typically do when writing on a topic, I looked for definitions and synonyms to make sure that my readers and I are on the same page. Gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness”. I like those words: thankful, appreciation, kindness. I think it is easy to say thank you, but more powerful to show appreciation and kindness. It is similar to how saying sorry is just a word, but an apology says why and how you will make it better. It carries more weight.

Sensory Processing Disorders (SPD) are a complex and often misunderstood set of conditions that affect how individuals perceive and respond to sensory stimuli from their environment. These disorders can have a profound impact on a person’s daily life, from their ability to interact with others to their emotional well-being. While much progress has been made in understanding SPD in recent years, there is still much to learn about its causes, symptoms, and treatment options.

As a Mama of two boys and a bonus girl, I wanted to write a letter to them and express myself in a way I haven’t before. Having a late diagnosis of ADHD has truly changed my life for the better. Now that I know more about the ways it affects my day to day, how it impacts those around me, and although I have implemented tools to help with the things that are easy for everyone else but seem foreign to me, I always want to be better, for me, but mostly them.

As a child, I viewed my mother’s depression in very simplistic terms.  She was moody, unreasonable, inconsistent and easily irritated. As I look back and “psychoanalyze”, I look at her depression as more of an empty hole.  My mother did an amazing job at giving us great life experiences and adventures and a happy life.  We went on vacations almost yearly.  As a single mom, she couldn’t afford big trips by plane, so it was car trips.  We went to Wisconsin to visit family, California to go to Disneyland, Calgary and Edmonton and the Black Hills for an annual reunion with the Wisconsin family.  Home was filled with laughter during game nights and movie nights.  In addition to giving us these experiences, I wonder if these things filled the hole, so that she wasn’t left feeling empty. 

I am a mom of two, now adult, children with behavioral health challenges and I work as a Family Peer Supporter helping other parents currently raising children with special healthcare needs including behavioral health. As a Family Peer Supporter, I get to walk beside families and help lift their burden by listening and connecting through a shared lived experience. Parenting is stressful in and of itself. It’s a full-time job with no training manual. Parents don’t clock in and clock out. They don’t get to call in sick. And a literal life depends on how well you do! Like most moms, I envisioned the future for my children including friends, activities, school, summer camp, growing up, high school dances, graduation, college, marriage, children of their own, and so on.

I am going to try something new with this month’s theme: recovery. Honesty is admirable, the more I dive into the depths of my mental health recovery journey, I know honesty will be the key that I didn’t have in my pocket the first time around. I had some old triggers resurface for me and new obstacles present themselves the last couple weeks. Here are my take aways……

I am so grateful to be a mother. The ten years it took to become pregnant did not prepare me for the journey of motherhood. Just because having a baby is biological does not mean it is natural. Having my daughter activated a wound in me that had been dormant for many years; I would not fully understand this rugged process until much later. The medical community calls this phenomenon postpartum depression. I was attempting to maintain a belief that having a baby would fix me; it did, but not in the way I expected.

The day I became a mom to my son was the greatest day of my life. While I was pregnant and in those first months of being his mom, I don’t ever remember doubting my abilities. I knew I would try every day to be the mom my kids needed. It is interesting now looking back, I can point out where I let all my doubts, fears, and unhealed trauma, creep in and steal the precious moments I had with my boys. 

For this month’s topic, “Parenting in Recovery”, I once again had to turn to my internet friend, Google.  There are many kinds of recovery.  Recovery from substance abuse or other addictions.  Recovery from acute mental health events.  Recovery from physical injuries.  What does recovery mean for me?  Google defines recovery as “a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength” and “the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.”  That last word, lost, is what I connected with.  For many parents of children with special health care needs or behavioral health challenges, the expectation of what we envisioned for our lives and for our children is gone or changed, in a sense – lost.