Gritty Spirituality

by Nikki Russel, Recovery Coach

December 20, 2022

Spirituality is gritty. I spent many years trying to find God, sitting in meditation for hours a day attempting to make her something separate of myself that would give me a golden ticket into heaven. Attempting to be good enough to achieve unlimited access to worth, making up for lost time in meditation and prayer, life could be good if I said the right words and did the right actions. When I realized that my life is a prayer, my behaviors are a result of co-creation with a spirit so great that it can embody all my shame and past mistakes and turn them into nuggets of inspiration for myself and others to heal. When I trust life to provide what I need to thrive, I am willing to get my hands dirty and do the work necessary to heal. Today spirituality is my whole life, not a separate action that grants me a permission for acceptance. Spirituality is the essence of forgiveness, where there once was pain, there is now love. I walk through the pain to find God; she is always living at the bottom of my emotions and when I seek spirituality there, I am redeemed from a life of addiction.

The great spirit, creator, God, Lord, or whatever name you choose to call your higher power is a reminder that spirituality is personal and powerful. Life has been trying to catch my attention, tapping me on the shoulder begging me to live my purpose in each moment, not minding, what I call her or how I do it. My life has been perfectly imperfect, and spirituality reminds me that I am worthy of recovery.


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