by Nikki Russell, Recovery Coach
September 26, 2023
Recovery is 1000 small decisions that, at the moment, feel insignificant yet, when added up over time, have. I recorded my recovery journey on countless pieces of paper to create a compilation of ah-ha moments from depths of darkness into life in recovery. My recovery has been a patchwork of written thoughts, shapeless until I weaved them into my life, attempting to live them as profound as they are when they dance in my mind. This is where creativity began to inform my life, realizing that it is my choice to transform past conditioning into the spark that ignites passion. Dare I show the world who I am behind the facade of correct behavior and be the superstar I create in my mind? Is it silly, realistic, or even possible...In each moment, I was about to discover that it was my choice to create the life I only imagined. Defining who I am through a daily connection to life, feeling my feelings, observing my thoughts, and being present in this NOW moment comes through daily wellness practice. Each morning, with a cup of coffee, my journal, and meditation, I surrender to a process that informs my recovery, allowing life to move through, benefit, and heal me. Recovery is everything; just as spirituality consumes every aspect of life, differentiating one from the other is near impossible; it moves, defines, and lives
"Service to others is the rent we pay for our time here on earth."
"My feelings matter."
"I carried the world on my shoulders until I realized it wasn't mine to bear."
"Chasing validation is moving out of my heart and into my addiction."
"Beyond recovery does not mean beyond emotions."
"It's not what you know; it's what you do."
"The wounded child was the filter that life sifted through; my addiction tried to shut her up and numb
"People are not only showing up in my life because they need love; they are showing up as an aspect in
me that needs to heal."
"I claim forgiveness."
"Strong emotions are a portal into the memory banks that need healing."
"I stopped wishing she could be the mother I wanted her to be and became the mother I always
Journal entries dated 2020-2022
The inward journey into the subconscious is how I revealed recovery. Slowly healing through awareness of hidden emotions and memories from a painful childhood allows me to embrace life. Everything I did to heal has become the principles I live. Art is life; each patchwork square tells a story at a different time on my path, leading me to where I am today. My recovery journey found a powerful outlet in art. I've channeled hurt, happiness, and hope through artistic expression, turning them into something useful. Recovery has taught me that imperfection is connection. Like the quilt with many squares, I've accepted that flaws are part of my story. They are not something to hide but to be highlighted, creating a map of experiences and lessons learned. The inward journey of exploring emotions, thoughts, and meditation, guided by authenticity and creativity, has transformed my life. This patchwork of experiences has become my guiding principle, reminding me that recovery is a continuous journey of becoming ME.
"Trust the Process"