By Melissa Meyer, MPN member
Unconditional love is something I have been blessed to have in abundance in my life. A year ago, my mother passed away, and about six months ago I had a realization. It hit me like a brick on a tearful ride home in the car. Part of the reason for my continual heartache in regards of losing her was that for 48 years, I was blessed with unconditional love on a daily basis. I was not just grieving the loss of my mother, her “being” and friendship, I was grieving for the loss of her constant unconditional love that kept me strong. I was craving it and wanted it back!
A whole new type of healing needed to take place which made me focus on loving myself, by myself, for the first time in my life. This is no easy task for a person in recovery who is used to having that kind of love at their disposal at any time when they feel so vile about themselves. Unconditional love from my mother had been my safety net and now I’m flying solo, on my own, with no one to catch me! This is why I wanted to focus on unconditional love in recovery as the topic for our February newsletter. I have a renewed appreciation for this important element not only for my recovery, but for all of us that keep on keeping on through recovery. I now almost always mention this with all of my peers while discussing recovery. This kind of love has no bounds and is ever changing as we grow in our recovery process. It was given freely to me no matter what. Will it help me to heal the loss I feel if I stress sharing this in my own life? I don’t need to reserve this just for my children, lover, father, or other family members. I can show unconditional love for my peers.
Loving is a primal instinct and requires exchange, whereas unconditional love is more of a limitless kind of love that cannot be measured or appraised. Having this recovery tool is essential. It may not come from a family member; it may come from another peer or a close friend. It’s that we have it that matters. The understanding of unconditional love is different with experts, religions, and nationalities and yet, will always revolve around having a relationship without conditions. I understand the bond between a mother and child is about as unconditional as it gets, and having my mom in my life on a daily basis through the first nine years of recovery gave me the strength to lose her. She not only taught me how to live, but she also taught me how to die.
Although Valentine’s Day likes to focus primarily on “romantic love” which is also very fun, this month I will celebrate unconditional love through my work, giving of myself with caring and empathy to deliver the wonderment of healing and recovery.
(Originally published in the MPN newsletter in February 2017)