by Nikki Russell, Recovery Coach
November 21, 2023
Any story worth its weight on paper is a hero's journey, where a person ventures toward empowerment—the gumption to take a leap of faith into the unknown to discover themselves. Entering recovery is a yes to the call of becoming real; the story of Nikki becomes real; conquering fears takes courage and unlocks gratitude. The profound transformation from something unreal to something tangible is an innate drive within us to become whole and authentic. Love attaches to many things that provide instant gratification, preventing us from letting the flood of emotions wash over us. Grace is the root word of gratitude; an intellectual approach to spirituality produces positive change, yet heartfelt choices align with purpose and develop gratitude.
Grace has religious connotations and valid beliefs for those who resonate with a heavenly father. Yet, for others who pursue a grittier view of spirituality, I offer a different perspective. Grace is the sudden spark from an elevated perspective that inspires change. A gentle yet dignified openness to what is real. The willingness to participate in the mystery of life through trust versus comprehension. Grace is the internal impetus toward change, and gratitude is the emotion felt when the ordinary becomes enough. The value gratitude holds in my life is evident in everything I do to cultivate it. I cannot control grace, but I can offer my ability to move toward behaviors that show appreciation. Examples include setting daily intentions for mind, body, and spirit. Tithing to organizations that inspire positive change, simple acts of kindness, and mindfulness activities that support thankfulness for this moment. Understanding that everything in life is here to help me, I can acknowledge my viewpoint of things as good and imperfect as things that support my healing journey. I leave the door open for grace to enter with my attitude and actions.
When I began recovery, I intended to quit drinking; my goal wasn't what my life has become. Spirituality was not on my radar; I spent many years spiritualizing addiction, substituting one addiction for a more acceptable one. I jumped from a bottle of Gin into a concept of spiritualness, anything to take the pain away. The behavior had improved, and I was better equipped to manage my life, but the underlying problem remained. Self-medicating trauma was something yet to be learned. As I healed past hurts, meditation became a habit that transformed my life. This is how grace works; the energy I used to numb pain transformed into a higher purpose that gives life meaning. I am amazed at the mystery of grace and the feeling of gratitude, for what was once a debt to society with rebellious behavior rooted in shame has become a process of transforming lives.
Allowing grace to propel life into gratitude masquerading as ego-centric pursuits, my experience shows me it is possible to become something I cannot imagine or understand. Dedication to recovery expands Gratitude is a daily commitment to learning, a radical acceptance of reality, a willingness to live an authentic dash, and a belief in the mystery of life. Spiritual practices serve a gritty grace, the kind that finds you in the depths of darkness as the thing that raises you up. Grace is given, and recovery pulls grace forward as if to beckon us further on the journey, offering gratitude as the reward for a moment spent well. Respect for the journey that burned my life to the ground and the process of rising from the ashes reminds me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. 
Hindsight has the benefit of lessons learned that become the foundation for wisdom that reminds me there is always opportunity for growth. Grace shows up to help me along the way, allowing my past self to show me the way forward. What made me sick cannot heal me, yet it reminds me of the places I can go when I am not devoted to recovery. I do not know what the future holds, but gratitude gives me emotional hits that I am on the right path.
The story of The Velveteen Rabbit offers a spiritual perspective about becoming real. The skin horse responds to the rabbit's question of becoming real: "Real isn't how you were made; it's a thing that happens to you." He says, "It doesn't happen all at once; you become. It can take a long time." The recovery journey begins with what some would call tragedy, but I have learned recovery is a gift of grace. Gritty, yes, but every step has helped me learn how to love, to become real, and to allow grace the opportunity to transform my life in all the creative ways it shows up. Becoming real does not suggest that my life before recovery was not valid; it was; it showed me my strength and offered up gratitude as a vital emotion to support me on my hero's journey.