by Nikki Russell, Recovery Coach
June 27, 2023
Radical acceptance is like waking up in the middle of a dream and clearly looking at life for the first time. The reality of what I had created while I was asleep in my addiction was startling. The truth that I was unwilling to look at had built momentum, and the consequences of those choices were overwhelming. Recovery demands honesty; every courageous action forward balances authenticity and vulnerability. It meant I could no longer play the victim of life; I needed to be responsible for the life I could create with a willingness to work hard to heal and forgive.
Accepting the reality of the world I had developed based on projections from a painful childhood meant removing some people, places, and things from my life that were a detriment to my recovery. I felt guilty for convincing people that I was something I was not, but following my heart meant recognizing where I got the ball rolling. I knew I had placed the sad things inside me onto the world around me. When I was willing to take accountability for the life I created, I could finally experience serenity. I learned that reality is truth and that just because I do not like it does not justify ambivalence.
I realized the life that was waiting for me was something I needed to build, and when I became willing to speak and live my truth, I began to pave the road home to my heart. Looking to the outside world for validation was all I ever knew; I could not trust my internal guidance system because I had been manipulating the world to my advantage. The shadow side of my personality was extremely loud, rejecting my new life, ordering the conditioned ways because they were safe. Creating a life that reflected purpose meant assembling a life based on the conviction that truth does not always reveal itself in the most beautiful ways, but it always points me in the right direction if I am willing to face it.
Radical acceptance is a daily practice and a direct pointer to the truth that compels me to face reality. It can feel like moving into the unknown because, without an agenda to achieve external validation, I get to live in the moment, trusting life. Embracing the light and shadow aspects of myself allows me to commit to healing that involves introspection and action. My addiction, the shadow aspect of myself, ruled my life without my permission and created chaos, but it protected me from my childhood. Although that protection is long past due, I honor and respect it because it kept me alive. Although it remains with me today, I can see it for what it is, and it rarely influences my behavior but allows me to understand my past and have compassion for myself and others. Recovery is radical acceptance from a disease that tried to teach me survival in a scary world. Although a proper perspective, it offers a defensive protection that steals joy, always on the lookout for deception. Today truth rules my world and gives empowerment to pursue happiness with a broad spectrum of empathy and a radical amount of acceptance.