by Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter
April 23, 2024
Forgiveness should be a journey, not a destination. What I mean by that is, whether we need to forgive ourselves, friends/family, or people who have wronged us in our lives, that can be a very difficult task. That physical pain we felt, the emotional toll we went through, and the way our bodies grasped those feelings and held onto them tight, can feel like something you will truly never get over. The old saying goes, “Time heals everything.” Well, it sure doesn’t. The reason I say this is because over time, life keeps throwing us curveballs, or as experts, unlike myself like to call it, trauma. It starts stacking inside of us and piling up like deskwork in our brains. When this happens, we are walking through life with unresolved hurt inside of us, and then turn around and project it onto others. So, the very things that hurt us in the beginning, we are now doing those same things to the ones we love, friends, our children, etc.
Counseling, self-reflection, trauma work, EMDR, and a self-wellness plan have been the steps that made a difference for me. Looking back on my journey with therapy, it does make me cringe a little. I was the patient for a long time who talked about the same things repeatedly, but in different forms and with different examples. I attended talk therapy on and off for about five years. While I went every week, to every session, I felt like I was getting nowhere. I was frustrated with myself. I remember vividly thinking, “I am putting in the work on myself and I still feel so stuck and lost.” I had a shift in me one day and knew I needed to get real with myself and dive as deep as I could, so I would move into the brighter days of my life story.
Everyone’s journey is different, so keep this in mind. Any effort we put into improving our overall mental health is going to make you a more forgiving person and add wellness to your life. I have learned so much about myself and been able to forgive the hurt others have caused me, that I never thought I could. I found that where forgiveness was given, whether it’s internally or externally, that’s when my healing truly began. When you can feel yourself not reacting in self-destructive ways, as a response to the doings of others, you start to feel and see the differences in yourself, and the way others perceive you. While navigating the world of forgiveness, it is also important to offer yourself an immense amount of grace. I must constantly remind myself, “I am doing the best job I know how. And if I don’t get it right, I will learn from it and not hang onto it for dear life.” At the end of the day, we are only in charge of ourselves, right? No one else is going to come save us, I mean they can try, but we aren’t learning any lesson in being saved. Self-work comes within and owning the parts I played in the situations that hurt me deeply was my ticket to the start of freedom. I had to remember what my core values were before life happened. I had to reflect and forgive myself for abandoning myself for so long.
When we start to process, reflect, self-reflect, and forgive, we set an example and all we can do is hope others see the positive changes. In return, your resilience will radiate onto others and hopefully, it can inspire others to do the same. Offering forgiveness after hurt is heroic, takes strength, and gives us our power back. Forgiveness should be a journey, and offering ourselves grace while doing so, that’s the destination.