The day I became a mom to my son was the greatest day of my life. While I was pregnant and in those first months of being his mom, I don’t ever remember doubting my abilities. I knew I would try every day to be the mom my kids needed. It is interesting now looking back, I can point out where I let all my doubts, fears, and unhealed trauma, creep in and steal the precious moments I had with my boys.
When I did this month’s webinar on the topic “Radical Acceptance”, one of the comments was on the word radical paired with acceptance. Radical commonly can be referred to a person who is an extremist in their advocacy on topics that are less than traditional. So, the thought was, I understand acceptance in life and as events happen that are less than acceptable, but how I am expected to radically accept these events as something I am putting an “I am ok with this happening to me” stamp on it?
When I started getting diagnosed with mental health conditions, I was still a teenager. I was ashamed, scared, and felt like I was doomed. I come from a family that has both mental health conditions and substance abuse disorders, so I was aware of what they both can look like. It hit me hard, and even though I had seen struggles within my family’s dynamics, I still held shame and guilt from my situation. I later learned that the shame and guilt was not mine to carry, but before that, I carried it like I was packing luggage around, everywhere I went.
Forgiveness should be a journey, not a destination. What I mean by that is, whether we need to forgive ourselves, friends/family, or people who have wronged us in our life, that can be very difficult task. That physical pain we felt, the emotional toll we went through, and the way our bodies grasped those feelings and held onto to them tight, it can feel like something you will truly never get over. The old saying goes, “Time heals everything.” Well, it sure doesn’t.
If I could give another word for recovery, it would be forgiveness because if resentment is the blind spot of addiction, then forgiveness is a corrected vision. Forgiveness is an inner connection versus an emphasis on the crisis. In other words, resentment is fear, and forgiveness is love.
What is the true meaning of forgiveness? Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
