by Beth Ayers, Family Peer Support Lead
March 21, 2023
Mental illness affects the whole family. And although each member’s recovery is individual, recovery and healing as a family has been important to me and to my own recovery and wellness.
For me, recovery is not a straight line nor does it have an end date. It is day by day, choice by choice. My recovery has included many things that have changed through the years. Some are counseling- individual, marriage, and family, EMDR and trauma work, support groups, medication, journaling, growing in my faith, learning more about mental illness, talking with friends and family who support me, and exercise. Working as a Family Peer Supporter, sharing my story, advocating for and helping other families has brought a lot of healing and wellness to my life as well. Being able to talk openly about the effects of mental illness on our family has brought understanding, forgiveness, and healing to our family. However, my recovery and wellness are not dependent on my family. I have learned that I can be okay regardless of what others are doing.
For many years I tried to control the effects of mental illness on my life and my family by changing others. My thinking was, if only they would admit they were unhealthy; if only they would do this or change that; if only they reacted to me differently; if only they would take care of themselves; if only they would do it my way; then, recovery would be possible for them and for me. I felt powerless, hopeless, and overwhelmed. What I didn’t realize was that by trying to change what was out of my control, namely others in my family, I was giving up the control I actually did have- control of myself, my actions, my choices, my attitude, my healing and recovery- my wellness.
I want the best for my family. I want the suffering caused by mental illness to end. I want relationships restored. And the best way I know to help my family is by taking care of myself and working on my own wellness and recovery.