By Nikki Russell, Recovery Development Coordinator
May 4, 2024
Until I know the nature of my mind, I cannot understand what mental health is. What is the fundamental nature of the mind? Defining the nature of the mind is a debatable subject for scientists, and it offers many convincing theories. The same is valid for mental health conditions; there are subtle differences between different scientific studies, yet the most widely accepted is in the Medical/Biological and Psychological perspectives, which posit mental illness as a disease or a disorder of the brain, hence the need for a diagnosis. Typical treatments include medications, interventions, lifestyle changes, therapies, and psychoanalysis. I am grateful for the advancement of science because mental health often requires medical treatment, but have we thrown the baby out with the bath water? The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is the medical bible for diagnosing mental health. The DSM is an impressive guidebook for providers to define "what is wrong with me." Putting a label on "my problem" suggests a rigid definition that compels an identity of "unwell." The stigma that follows the diagnosis can be as skeptical as what the symptoms mean. Let me see if I got this right: a diagnosis invites medication with side effects that are often worse than the original symptoms, stigmatization that locks me into a lie that I believe, and a broken system trying to tell me that I am the problem.
I am grateful for scientific research that has advanced medicine. But prescribing me an identity that pushes me further into a toxic collective thought system is not what I call freedom. All those years of my addiction were self-medicating the problem of me, the symptoms of trauma that predicate substance use disorder. I was in a pattern of trying to fix life, not a rough patch but the whole of it. It seems that we are treating symptoms and not the person, "Here is a healthier way to medicate your trauma and stop acting out," But "I am still NOT well." The core issue of the problem is still being masked over; only I can now act more appropriately for society. I do not cry or yell outwardly, but I am still frustrated and depressed. I don't use drugs anymore, but I still feel hollow inside. I have my child back, but I am still not present with her or myself.
These words are valid topics to consider during May, Mental Health Awareness Month. We should advocate for proper support of the core issue of mental health, which is "Stop trying to fix me; I am not broken." I am NOT my diagnosis; I am a unique individual with different ideas, lifestyles, and behaviors, one that society had a hand in conditioning. When I remember back to my childhood, I was oppressed economically, medically, socially, and emotionally by a community that transferred their emotional and mental life experience onto me from their past experiences. I come from a long line of defiant, poor, frustrated, well-meaning humans who only tried to protect me from my environment. My life experience leaves me curious, and understanding the system and how it operates leaves me saddened for the many people who are going through the exact suffering I went through. Controlling my behavior and acting happy is not wellness; it is oppression from a system that does not know how to love.
So, what is the answer? I am not a doctor, so I am unqualified to prescribe solutions, but I can tell you what has worked for me. Something that is not validated by science yet has transformed life, mental health, and trauma. Is my brain abnormal? Yes, did it happen because of genetics or a predisposition to addiction? Maybe that is a piece of the puzzle.
Moreover, I believe I was sealed into an internal trauma response system that society precipitated, which was the catalyst to recovery.
My recovery is multi-dimensional and is of a spiritual mindset. All of my knowledge and life experiences are refracted through the prism of my mind. The most helpful way to understand refraction is to imagine a ray of sunlight composed of many colors, but when combined, it appears colorless—that is, until it moves through a glass prism. The glass prism acts as a catalyst to break the single ray into a burst of color, commonly known as a rainbow. The mind works similarly to consciousness; if consciousness is the colorless ray of sunlight, the mind is the glass prism. There can be nothing more healing than understanding the nature of my mind, being that consciousness is absolute. The experience of the world is personalized, meaning that the external input filters through as consciousness, coloring the world that I see. This realigning process views the mind as the essential ingredient of life experience and shifts thoughts and emotions through consciousness, revealing humans' true essence. I developed impressive thinking patterns, understanding, and relating over a timeline of 40 years. It takes time to overcome the thinking and feeling structures that inform life; it comes in layers over time and probably lasts a lifetime.
I am not suggesting that medical and psychological solutions should not be used, but that is only half the story. Imagine living in half a house, driving half a car, or watching only half a movie. I was living with half-truths, accepting half-lies, and trying to usurp love from external resources that were never fulfilling. What is different today is that I recognize the conditioning within myself instead of being lost in it. I know that when I stand in judgment of another, it is but a mirror reflecting an aspect of myself that I have not healed. When I existed in my addiction, I required so much not to self-destruct. In my attempt to attain happiness, I lost the most essential things in life: integrity, ethics, and heart. Giving to others is like a ray of light breaking through the mind, coloring the world. When all I do is take from life, it blocks the sunlight of consciousness, rendering me in a scripted conditioning that feeds addiction.
A Mental Health condition that could be added to the DSM is "stigmatization." A condition that promotes instability, oppression, and isolation; a far worse disorder than being outcasted because I am different than you. So, what does an advocate or activist do to combat ignorance? Model authenticity and compassion for those who suffer from the chaos of stigma. Learning how the story of childhood trauma compels me to hide within it, sacrificing my authenticity and screens me from my full potential. As thoughts float on the surface of the ocean of consciousness, they provide insight into mental health challenges. If the mind is the water of consciousness that flows through the vessel of the brain; memories are the debris of my mind, and waves are the emotional mechanisms that push them to shore to heal. Are we using the wrong vehicle to surf the wave of stigma, trying to get to the shore of equality to bathe in rays of sunshine?