by Beth Ayers, Family Support Training Coordinator
March 10, 2025
March is daylight savings time when we turn our clocks ahead and gain an extra hour of daylight in the evenings. People look forward to this day all winter. But for some this change can be hard. Turning our clocks ahead means getting up in the dark. It takes our bodies time to adjust to losing an hour of sleep and getting up an hour earlier. Daylight savings time has caused me to think about change in general and how there are always upsides and downsides to change.
I find change in general hard. I think accepting change is my first problem. I don’t want things to change. I don’t like the unknown. The adjustment period is hard. The bad seems to outweigh the good. Or maybe I just focus on the bad more. Change can be small like a TV show ending or it can be giant like the death of a loved one. Change is also harder when I’m not the one initiating or deciding on the change.
I have had a lot of changes in my life over the past year. My family moved from a home we lived in for 20 years, where both my children were raised. We moved from the city I had lived in my whole life to the country. The Family Peer Support pilot project I had been working on for 2 years ended which meant leaving the pediatric clinic where I worked for 3 years and the families I worked with. And the TV show Blue Bloods, which I loved, ended after 14 seasons. Not the biggest change, I know. But I did cry.
So how do we make the best of change, especially change that is unwanted or unexpected? Acceptance is the first step. Before I can adjust to it, enjoy it, or grieve it, I have to accept it. Fighting it or ignoring it keeps me stuck and doesn’t stop whatever is changing. After I’ve accepted it, I acknowledge my feelings. I’m sure we’ve all heard the old adage "don't cry over spilled milk." According to Generative AI, “it is an old proverb that means it's not useful to be upset about something that has already happened. The phrase encourages people to focus on moving forward instead.” I don’t agree with this. I do think it is important to focus on moving forward but it is useful to acknowledge our feelings first and allow ourselves to feel them. If it is an undesirable change, we may feel sad or angry. Grieving is a normal part of the process. It can be hard to move forward and embrace the change if we haven’t dealt with our feelings. Things that I have found helpful in processing my feelings are journaling, professional counseling, talking to a friend, and prayer. And never underestimate the power of a good cry. Sometimes it can be helpful to take a break when the feelings become overwhelming. I find exercise, music, and a good movie or book helpful to take my mind off things for a while.
After I have allowed myself to feel my feelings about the change, I can focus on adapting to it. I can look forward to the positive outcomes of the change. If the change resulted in losing something or someone, I can reflect back with gratitude for the time I had and remember the good. I look ahead in anticipation of new things to come. The key for me in embracing this time is choosing my attitude. Whether I am happy about the change or not, I can choose a positive attitude of gratitude. I can expect good things instead of anticipating the negative. That’s not to say that I deny what’s hard about the change, but I can choose not to complain and appreciate what I can about the situation.
Change is a constant in life. Seasons change, we age, time moves on. As much as I prefer everything to stay the same, to remain with what’s known, to be comfortable, that isn’t always the best for me. I think about the example of a body of water. When there is no water flowing in or out, no movement, the water becomes stagnant and is not conducive for growth. To have a healthy environment where life and new growth can happen, the water has to move and change. New water has to flow in and old water out. Things need to move and change. I think the same is true about our lives. Without change, our lives become stagnant, old, dark, and smelly, with only mold being able to grow. Change lets in light and air and new possibilities for growth. There is some change in my life I will never get over like losing my dad. But there are other changes, positive changes, I also will never get over like the birth of my children. Hard change can also lead to new opportunities. The development of mental health challenges in my family has opened the door for me to be able to help other families as a Family Peer Supporter. I get to use my lived experience, that unwelcomed change that happened, to bring hope and empowerment to other parents and caregivers who are struggling and dealing with change.
So, as daylight savings time ushers in longer days and warmer weather, I hope I can continue to embrace change with openness, acceptance, and gratitude. I hope sharing my experience helps others do the same.