by Nikki Russell, Recovery Coach
March 28, 2023
In the beginning of my recovery journey my life was about bringing myself to a balanced state of mind so that I could begin to build a life of purpose. Early recovery was about discovering who I was through a healing process that brought me inwards towards many wounds that I felt would be my demise. Through this emotional roller coaster ride, I learned that after the scariest moments of remembering past hurt came equally enlightening moments of truth that helped me face my past and build a life beyond recovery. Today I cannot tell the difference between what my recovery is and what is my life, there is no separation between the two. The obvious differences of behaviors that separated me from my best life was my addiction’s attempt at protecting me from pain. Once I recognized the recycled thought pattern, I could slowly change old habits and create a life that aligns with a mission I know matches the highest purpose for my life. Creating wellness practice and learning from mentors are two ways that helped me build a life that continues to help me grow beyond my fears and gives me the strength to take leaps of faith, speak my truth, and live my best life.
Did you know that your mind cannot tell the difference between what is a “real” experience and what was something that is watched on a screen. The mind imprints these two things similarly, this was my first “aha” moment that ignited curiosity. Could it mean that I could change my life just by what I decided to experience, by what I allowed into my awareness. I set out on a mission to expose a truth that I externally doubted but internally hoped to be true. I began reading all the positive mental attitude, spiritual, and psychological books I could find. Some of these authors had podcasts that I began tuning into, I discovered guided meditations, mantra’s, and my inner child. As I began cleansing the pain out of my body I noticed the practice manifesting into my actual life. The ease and comfort I began to feel with limited fear, anxiety, and isolation was astonishing. I began reducing things In my life that did not match this new happiness like television, social media, and toxic relationships. I now had the tools to face triggering events that in the past had caused me to numb with substances, and 1000 other things.
“God with skin on” is what I often heard in recovery and from this I understood that anybody who was in my life was there to support the greater mission of healing wounds. I began to crave a spiritual practice, one that served a belief system that could ignite an internal flame that was rising up within my heart. I have found many role models on my journey; in fact, I look for them every day. These people look average, but they shine. They glow because they emit an internal purity that comes from being ethical, humanitarian, and spontaneous. They laugh out loud, are enthusiastic, and follow their heart. They have a radical self-acceptance, speak their truth, and encourage me to do the same. When I walked out of my spiritual closet, I began to spot these people as a symbol that I was living my authentic life. On this path I found a medicine woman who taught me native ceremony, tradition, and oneness. This has made all the difference because through her, I see me, I see God, and I see love and acceptance. Living a life beyond recovery is about putting the principles into practice and by living a courageous life we have justice for our past that we may have the opportunity to serve our family, friends, and community.